So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
