Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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