I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
