70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
