Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
