please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
