thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
