Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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