All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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