I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
