I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
