She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
