I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.