Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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