i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
