last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need a beard to bite.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
