when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
