I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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