My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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