Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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