DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
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