had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
