Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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