What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
