Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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