He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
