I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
