He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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