So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
