Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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