You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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