how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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