i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
