so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
