do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Your dad touched me again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
