So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
