There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
