So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
