If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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