i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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