i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
