Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
