Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
