atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
