8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
