The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
