grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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