Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
