He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
