my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
