I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
