I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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