the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
