I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
