she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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