State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
