u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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