Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He has the fingertips of a God
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
