I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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