I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
