You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His nipple licking is glorious
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
