Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
