Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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