apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize