So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
