ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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