there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
